Life is hard. Work is long. Pleasure is short.
Yesterday I had a 6AM to 8PM shift at Arby’s followed by a two hour rehearsal with my trainer Rick Swanson. Rick has trained some of the most famous handwalkers working today like Sissy Lightleather and Kimberly Wishaw. I respect his talent as a pioneer of the trade but he has a habit of smoking tomtom cigars. While walking on my hands up a black staircase I kept choking on his fumes and toppling over. Dragging my exhausted carcass home you can understand I needed some light relief.
Flopping down on my bare mattress (the maid stole my bedsheets) I found I couldn’t get up again. I was hungry but also in need of some two-fingered relief. Luckily by my bedside there was a jar of Planters Peanuts. I tipped the jar back emptying the contents down my throat and enjoying the dry-roasted salt sliding against my tongue on its way down. I don’t know what happened to my Channing Tatum fan mag so I didn’t have anything to visually stimulate me as I dug into the mouse hole. So I stared into Mr Peanut’s midnight dark eyes while riding the waves of jelly pleasure. It goes to show you how resourceful a working girl can be when she’s in a jam.
I’m not ashamed about openly discussing female masturbation. It’s natural. 2011. Get over it.Yours and forever,
Iris Myandowski (The hand walking queer)
