Iris Myandowski loves eating lunch by herself

Dear Adoring Fans,

I never expected to be the most popular girl. People are naturally jealous of my considerable talent. But at the very least I have always expected to have a small circle of loyal admirers. So it’s come as a shock to me that I find myself day after day eating lunch by myself during my break at Arby’s. When I first started I thought I’d found a pal in Amy, the 25 year old drive through check out girl. She’s friendly and bubbly. However, after I criticised her tattoo she no longer gives me anything other than cold blank stares. I once asked Sally Fenchurch if she wanted to have lunch with me, but she spent the entire break talking on her cell phone with her boyfriend Chip. Damini spends every break reading her O magazine. So there aren’t any girls I can have lunch with.

Now, I have a confession to make and I feel shy about writing this on something so public as a blog but… I have a crush on one of my co-workers. His name is Delroy. He’s just graduated from high school, but his family doesn’t have enough money to send him to college yet. I know what you are thinking… has Iris Myandowski turned into a cougar chasing after a hot young thing like Delroy. Well, my darlings I can’t help it! He does this incredibly cute thing of pouting his lips as he pulls French fries out of frialators. And every time my boss tells him he should be mopping the floor rather than standing around he says in a really exaggerated fake black southern accent “Yessum Mista.” His can’t-be-bothered attitude totally charms me.
Alas, the one time I built up the courage to ask Delroy if he’d like to have lunch with me he made that incredibly painful exasperated face which I’d previously found so charming and said he had other plans. While he and a few of the other burger guys went on their break I heard them all snickering. So I sit down to eat my roast beef cheese smothered sandwich and curly fries alone. Reading the free Arby’s nutritional information leaflet is my only company.

Yours and forever,

Iris Myandowski (The hand walking queer)